Rough Days

Mom’s sick. A wicked combo of cancer and a weak heart. Not sure if she’ll make it through the year. Trying to prepare for that. Can’t seem to do it.

I’m doing my best to help her, but certain forces undermine me occasionally…and it really messes me up.

I don’t know what to do about it because this “certain force” is a close family friend who sometimes doesn’t think things through and makes decisions without telling me that really fuck up my day.

So here we are.

If these aren’t trying times, I don’t know what are.

The political arena is about as fucked up as it ever was, worse when you consider it’s a post Trump presidency, and yet millions of people would vote for him again.

It’s a bizaro, upside down world, and there’s no end in sight.

2021: The Life Raft Year

Let’s just say, it was better than the alternative.

Christmas Eve, some old gal…I say old gal, but she was about my age…pretended to ask the woman at the head of the line a question, and then she cut in line, right in front of me and a few people behind me. One could argue that she didn’t see me and made an honest mistake. One could also argue that she was either an idiot or just an asshole. I’m going with asshole.

At any rate, it pretty much ruined my day. She was such a cunt about it. She cuts in line, then starts fucking around on her phone when a slot opened up, making everyone wait for her highness to get her shit together like everybody else. On Christmas Eve.

I wanted to punch her.

While it’s nice to have a sane presidential administration in charge again, the Republicans are still complete assholes and that’s never likely to change.

Like, recently I heard some guy on the radio, a Rush Limbaugh replacement. Very smooth voice, very authoritative, and totally full of shit.

For ten minutes he bashed Biden about the unconstitutionality of a vaccine mandate. For ten minutes after that, he bashed Biden about the Covid fatalities rising so much on his watch.

And that sums them up, the Republicans.

They don’t want to do anything to help, then they blame Biden for nothing getting done.

I hate their fucking guts and I always will.

Hope you had a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday.

Happy Fucking New Year.

Righteous Rage

My first reaction is to call the Medicare Part D system a joke, but there’s nothing funny about it.

It’s just another corporate scam facilitated by a federal government bought and paid for by big corporations and the rich assholes who own them.

Popped a Corona before writing this. Feeling miffed.

Signed mom up for Medicare Part D with a group called Silverscript. I signed up on the sixth, and they said it would take ten days to get a response, so I blew it off. It seemed like a shoe in. They’re all pass-through bullshit systems.

Well, I was wrong. They sent me a letter on the eleventh, which I didn’t open until the 21st because I didn’t check the mail, which I should have done, but time slips away from you.

Anyway…since she wasn’t enrolled before hand, they were going to charge her a fee, so I called the Silverscript place. They say her account has been wiped clean.

So I got letters from Aetna and AARP, too, saying that she was enrolled in their plans, even though I never did that. After a little web research, I found that Aetna owned Silverscript, so I called Aetna and they said all was well. When I asked for a double certain confirmation, the girl gets on the Medicare site and finds out that it is actually AARP that owns my mom’s Med-D plan.

So that’s the American healthcare system in a nutshell. It’s getting people killed, and those it doesn’t kill, it’s putting a major hardship on them, a hardship that’s completely unnecessary.

But even though it’s not the best plan, I guess we’re covered with AARP and it starts on the first of January.

I should call to double check, but right now I’m so mad my blood is boiling, hence the beer.

A 30-day supply of Xeralto costs $650 without insurance. It’s criminal.

All these companies do is pay the $650, then turn around and bill the US Government, a.k.a. the taxpayers, $845, a 30% markup for doing nothing.

And then the fuckers made it so that the price of drugs can’t be negotiated, like every other country in the world.

There is no reason for all of this bullshit other than the millionaires in the pharma game want their cut of the money, so they’re paying off congress to help them suck it out of the working class. So that means the rest of us have to jump through hoops like trained seals.

It’s so obviously wrong that I can’t wrap my head around it.

Words fail me, because this is so obviously wrong that I can’t believe it’s allowed to continue. I can’t believe we can’t do something to fix it.

Blinded with rage.

Daily Kos is a Shithole

I’m sorry to say that this site will never accomplish anything no matter how much money you throw at it. This site exists in a solipsistic netherworld of egomania and infighting. I’m curious to know how many people sign up to this site and leave after about a month, never to be seen again, because they are driven away by all of the assholes here who undermine confidence and sow discord.”

That’s not a quote, but a pretty accurate paraphrase, and I think that’s what did it. I had written an apolitical diary about a regretful high school incident on the same day, but I can’t imagine being kicked off for that.

Nope, I merely pointed out the obvious.

There are A LOT of perfect assholes on the Daily Kos and for some inexplicable reason, that site protects them.

I think that the site’s owner and operator, Markos Moulitsas, used to be a good guy. Now, he’s just in it for the money. In addition to the few thousand a month he’s getting from subscribers, he’s getting over three million unique views every day, and that transcribes into advertising moolah too.

Plus, when you consider his “valiant” defense of Hillary Clinton and his loathsome mudslinging against Bernie Sanders in 2020, it’s pretty safe to say that the DCCC or some other form of establishment donor is tossing some serious money his way, too.

It would be too tedious to go into great detail, but there are quite a few people on the Daily Kos who will go out of their way to shred you and your ideas in the most…insincere way possible…but they’re playing by the “rules of the road” as the site likes to say, so they get away with it.

It’s sad, and very disappointing, that the left’s allegedly premier website for organizing and planning is nothing but a money-grubbing scam.

But it is.

In All the Wrong Places Again

I’m not sure why I can’t find anyone to connect with in this big, wild world of ours. Actually, I have been fortunate enough to find people in the past, but as I grow…I just seem to be growing away.

Daily Kos kicked me off for a week. My own fault, to be sure…but the place is still a shithole.

I honestly thought I’d chance upon some kindred spirits there, someone to joke around and play with, someone with whom I could have an honest debate.

No such luck.

Instead I’ve been pestered by a crew of thick-skulled Liberal Stinkers and hectored by a small but determined group of complete and utter assholes.

So I’ll take a break, and tone it down…and lower my expectations ever more, which at this point would be like digging a pit…in a hole…in the cellar of a basement.

Daily Kos honest to God sucks shit.

“Leave Me Alone”

In the real world, no matter where you are—work, a bar, the grocery store, wherever—when you tell someone to “leave me alone” and that person not only mocks the very thought, but pesters you all the more, that person would be considered abusive.

Not so at Daily Kos.

I told one of the biggest assholes there—a guy who isn’t even a liberal, a guy who almost never says anything positive about anything—to just leave me alone and not respond to my comments.

Welp, he just scoffed at me and pestered me some more.

A first for me, the Daily Kos boards have no mute or block feature, so if one of the people there really gets under your skin, you’re just stuck with it.

I was roundly mocked for telling the guy to leave me alone, something else that came as a shock. In the real world, he would have been the asshole, and I would have been completely within my rights.

Not so at Daily Kos.

So…it means I have to toughen up and thicken my skin, and either ignore this asshole, or learn how to skewer him just within the boundaries of the board rules.

See, this guy is really big on rules. He’s one of those.

See, I made this hyperbolic comment, half in jest, when this little turd called me on it. It bothered me because I didn’t see why I had to explain to him that I was obviously exaggerating and just having fun.

Anyway…it hurt.

Days after the fact, some of the Kos people would chime in and tell me how stupid I was. That didn’t help. I was going to make a list of their names, but decided that I didn’t want to be vindictive.

Still…the whole fandango did nothing for my already sub par mood, my already bleak and dreary view of the world.

Sometimes…I get pretty sick of it all.

It’s a Lonely World

Rough week. Boost Mobile screwed me. A family member shat on me…again.

And an old college friend died of Covid complications. Got sick, went to the hospital, fell asleep, and he never woke up. He was two or three years my junior.

I’m almost entirely alone and have no prospect for friends…at all.

And today, it’s blowing like hell outside, which is depressing as fuck.

Hold on. Hang on.

It’s a State of Mind

Wrote a few articles on Daily Kos. I’ll either link to them or share them here eventually.

I like DK. It’s a good place, and there are a lot of good people there, but there are some real pains in the ass, too, and I’m still at that stage where I’m trying to figure out who is who.

Anyway…the negative feedback I’ve either received or experienced from some of the people there…got to me a little bit.

I was hoping to find friends, comrades, brothers and sisters in arms.

Instead there’s a few cool people, and a cliquish group, and several “Liberal Stinkers” (the people who always have to prove that they’re more liberal than you). They bug the shit out of me, but I can live with them. Treating them like overgrown kids is usually the best strategy.

But there are some closet conservatives there on DK, too, who only exist to pester “the libs.” Those guys get to me.

It’s one thing to have an argument with somebody who’s sticking to the issue.

It’s another thing to engage in a discussion with somebody who’s making a special effort to skirt the real issue and make the debate about something else entirely.

Anyway…the world looks pretty callous and indifferent to me now.

There’s a weight on my chest and a lump in my throat.

And the kinship I was searching for has yet to materialize.

As the Clock is Ticking

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

I’ve been in love. At least I know that. Lost them both, but at least I know that love is real. And I know that you can love someone with all of your heart, but that doesn’t mean you can live with them.

But I’ve never known success. Not real success. Nothing lasting.

Things worked my way a few times, but…it lead to nothing, ultimately.

I would really like to know the taste of success at least once in this life of mine.

Success being…to capture the thing I’ve always wanted. To be published. To make a good living as a writer. To sell my work, then be asked if I had anything more to sell.

Finding my consort would be great, too. A life partner. A friend I can sleep with. That too seems an impossibility. Not sure why. Guess it’s me.

Still haven’t made any friends at Daily Kos, but I know that takes time. It is what it is. It’s a good site, but there is a clannishness about some of the members and I haven’t got the time or the will to kiss their asses and get on their good side.

I’ll be me. I rock. They’ll see that eventually.

Pretty much every day I visit the site I cross paths with a new Liberal Stinker, or some dimwit who didn’t bother to read my comment closely, misinterpreted what I said, then chose to berate me.

It is what it is. I’ll just ignore most of those little fuckers, unless I’m drunk and spoiling for a fight, and one of them makes a wrong move. Then I’ll draw blood.

But all of that’s…not very relevant right now.

I need to get published. I need to find an agent. I need to market my work, and I’ll be damned if I know where to begin.

After all these years I finally have several marketable works, but I’m too brain dead to bait the hook and throw my line into the water. Been adrift at sea for too long.

Anyway…onward….

“…in All the Wrong Places”

Joined Daily Kos a few weeks ago. Since Twitter shit-canned me—twice—without explanation other than a link to their Hadrian’s wall of dreaded, almost meaningless Twitter Rules, I needed some form of interaction. Most of the crew at DK seemed pretty cool, so I thought I’d give it a try.

And they are cool for the most part. Way cool.

But I knew there’d be some flies in the ointment, and there were. It only took a few days for that to pan out.

Fly the First was some naggy old broad from Tesas. I don’t necessarily dislike her, but she has a finger-wagging way about her that annoys me. Our last interchange was about how VA Hospitals suck. She told me they didn’t. Then I posted a link to illustrate the length and breadth of the VA’s suckage. She ended it by saying “Then why don’t you do something about it?”

Nag, nag, nag.

Fly II was some guy who griped at me for using the phrase “indian giver.” I was kind of drunk at the time and thought he was just yanking my chain so I answered as would a frustrated Scottsman in a land that only spoke English.

Fly the Third was some guy who wouldn’t give it up, and basically accused me of being a racist for using that phrase. He also deeply objected to using the word “gypped” because it was originally a slur against Gypsies in Romania hundreds of years ago.

I replied:

You are way off base. When you have to explain the etymology of a slur, it’s probably not as bad as you thought it was, in this case “gypped.”

Regarding “Indian Giver” the picture of a Native American never entered my mind, and I’m sure that’s true for well over 90% of all the people who use it. We think of The Little Rascals or Leave it to Beaver.

You’re just posturing. It’s a piss poor example of the laziest form of Virtue Signaling.

You’re bending over backwards to find offense where none was intended and only scant evidence exists.

(by the way, the thing I called “indian giver” was alcohol, as in the embodiment of alcohol)

He’s a dick I hope I never see him again. He’s a “Liberal Stinker” which was the topic of another “diary” as they call them there. He’s the kind of guy who will work overtime to prove that he is liberal-er, yea, more liberal-er than thou.

I will refrain from using those phrases again, in the future, because I am a liberal, and as such I strive to be considerate to others.

I have to say that thanks to the Liberal Stinkers, we’ve reached a point in this country where it feels like you can’t open your mouth without offending someone.

Fly the Fourth, and the worst of the flies to date, is some dirty piece of shit conservative who weaseled onto the site just so he can fuck with liberals. Apparently he’s been there for years, so he’s always careful to make his jibes just shy of the line of violation.

If you’re not familiar with sites like this, for reasons too many to go into now, they tend to be distinctly bifurcated. Liberal sites are for liberals, and conservative sites are for conservatives.

The cons keep us off their sites because it is ridiculously easy to show, nay, to prove how stupid their arguments are…and they don’t like that.

Liberals keep the cons off of their site because the cons will run around posting disgusting pictures of dog shit and aborted fetuses and, whenever possible, ganging up on a given user and making his life hell…and liberals don’t like that.

Anyway…the very odd thing about the DK boards is that there is no block or mute button. If you cross paths with an idiot or an asshole, there’s no way to not see that person again, so you have to learn to live with it.

Which might be a good thing in the long run.

Not sure yet.

In closing, I went to DK hoping to find some kindred spirits, and thus far I’ve come up short. Even though online bulletin boards and social media sites are better than nothing…and sadly, for millions of us that’s all there is…you’re probably never going to find a true friend there.

You’ll never really find your people.

You’ll just have to keep looking, out there in the real world, on the planet where you’re beginning to suspect you don’t belong.

That’s where it will hurt the most.

But that’s the only place it counts.