A Hill to Die On

Some hipster kid mocked me with those words as I tried to defend this film, known in America as “Cuties.”

It’s not a great film, but it is a good film. A sincere and honest effort from a first-time female director. There is more than enough text on the internet to describe the plot, but I encourage anyone interested to watch it themselves before passing judgement.

As of now, millions of conservatives who have never seen this film have mistakenly labeled it “child porn” and they will accuse anybody who disagrees with them of pedophilia.

It’s not the first time they’ve done something like this, and it surely won’t be the last. Jumping on the bandwagon of mass hysteria seems to be their specialty.

My standard response to any criticism of the film is “Have you seen it?” And thus far only one person has admitted they have, though I’m skeptical of that claim because in our conversations he made a few observations that were either obviously overgeneralized or ran contrary to what I saw.

Anyway…in a couple of weeks, this will probably disappear and we’ll be off and ranting about a new controversy, and the conservatives will surely fuck that all up, too.

It hurts having to live with people like that.

It means we can’t have nice things.

They just…ruin everything.

Close Calls & Damn It All

Well, dodged a bullet. The crisis I spoke of in my last entry has passed. Life is back to “normal” and that’s about the best I can expect for the foreseeable future. Thankful, and relieved.

In other news, this little asshole on the left shot three people—killing two—in Kenosha, WI, a couple of days ago.

The Trumpies are making him a hero. They say he acted in self-defense.

A “Christian” money-raising site has already collected $158,000 for his defense fund.

He wasn’t even from Kenosha. At 17 years of age, he shouldn’t have had that assault rifle. His mother (also a gun nut) drove him from Illinois to help protect a car dealership with some other gun-nut assholes that they read about on Facebook.

And an alarming number of Republicans consider him a hero, and his actions justified.

God damn them. God damn every one of them.

A Family Without Respect

For years now, my asshole brother has been asking my mom to ask me to do him a favor, most recently to watch his kids at the drop of a hat.

I made the mistake of saying “No, if he wants me to watch the kids, then he needs to ask me himself.”

That was it. That’s all I did.

I’m watching the kids right now. He just brought them over anyway, dropped them off, and drove away. No “hello.” No “how are you bro?” No “thanks for helping out.”

I’ve never refused him before, for anything, but now I am clearly persona non grata and I’m not sure what’s going to happen to me next.

I quite literally may die, because I have no where to go, and no way to survive.

Had I known that asking to be treated like a human being, like a family member in fact, instead of a faceless servant who doesn’t deserve so much as a please or a thank-you, I probably would have kept my mouth shut and just let them keep shitting on me.

So there you have it. Be careful when you stand up for yourself, because the assholes are more than likely to just kick you back down again.

Best of luck, everyone. We’ll be damned lucky if we can get this country away from Trump and his rich asshole fascist supporters.

This might be my last missive on this obscure site.

It was worth a try.

Blood, Backaches & Bones

Got blood where it’s not supposed to be. Wasn’t worried, but now I am. Will give it another month, and if things don’t change, it’s doctor time.

You know, the doctor I can’t possibly afford. The doctor who will sneer at me with disdain for being uninsured. The doctor who will make it clear, albeit not vocalized, that a poor old wretch like me is wasting his valuable time. The doctor I probably won’t even like, but what else can you do?

My back…keeps slipping out of place, mainly because I’m overweight and out of shape. And old…. Happens unpredictably. No real traceable cause, just a sudden muscular landslide, a simmering surge of chronic pain in the lumbar that causes me to move slowly and painfully for a few days.

People think I’m faking it.

And my bones, my crunching, crackling old bones. The knee, always a liability since a high school football game, grinds and pops. It needs to be replaced but, of course, I’m uninsured and couldn’t possibly afford it.


If I’m going to die, I hope I get something published before I go. I’ve got three damn good stories, and one more that’s about 75% complete.

If I could just get a fucking break.

Anyway…America is still insane and deteriorating quickly.

The GOP is infesting “democrat” cities with secret police.

MAGA morons are still being big babies about wearing a stupid mask.

Based on appearances, Trump and the GOP seem to want everybody to contract Covid-19. Lockstep demands to reopen the economy emanate daily from their ranks, but no solutions or proposals to keep people healthy and safe.

Just work. Get back to work. They insist that “People want to work!”

No we don’t, you assholes. We want to live.

Still hoping against hope that my soulmate will just plop into my lap before I kick the bucket. And we’ll sigh with relief, and laugh, and hug, and kiss with our noses. A morning dream, vanished. A beautiful song, forgotten and lost.

In even the best of circumstances, it’s a cruel, cruel world.

Police Love Brutality

A brief post. The world is practically afire. COVID-19 still rages, but the big business GOP will likely ignore it for as long as possible, even though positive infections are steadily on the rise.

A cop killed a black man (George Floyd) in broad daylight, on camera, and would have gotten away with it if not for massive protests.

For days now, protesters have been surrounding the White House and Trump can barely bring himself to mention them, though he has turned off the lights at least once, reportedly hid in a bunker, and is now reinforcing an iron wall around the perimeter.

Oh! And he called on the US military to “dominate” the protesters.

He thinks he’s doing a great job.

And tens of millions of butt-stupid Republicans think the same.

But leaders who sleep in bunkers and hide behind walls rarely have a bright future to which they can look forward.

And I, for one, take solace in that.

That’s it. That’s the post.

That’s where we’re at.

Masks v. Freedom to be Dumb

My little doggie. So black, he absorbs light. Even though he’s neutered and less than a foot tall, he’s got a lion’s heart and can actually be quite vicious for a cute little guy.

I think he’s smarter than many Republicans.

For posterity’s sake, allow me to describe the situation we’re in.

COVID-19 has kept our state and our country basically locked down for about two months. The Republicans are screaming to reopen everything, post haste.

So in order to reopen, we have to use every precaution available, because the virus is still lurking among us and it is highly contagious.

For that reason, both the CDC and 50 countries throughout the world are asking—if not requiring—that people wear masks.

The masks are not to protect the wearer, but rather to protect other people from the wearer, who may be C19 positive, but asymptomatic, or presymptomatic.

Now get this: many Republicans are refusing to wear masks because they consider it an assault on their constitutional rights.

One went so far as to call me an authoritarian fascist after I explained to him the importance of the mask. I went on to explain that both I and my mother were in high-risk groups, to which he replied:

Then isolate yourself & stop fucking up things for everyone else who takes the time to be healthy. Get healthy & quit imposing on my life you jerkoff.”

So, yeah, that’s what we’re dealing with in Trump’s America, and Trump is doing nothing to help. He refuses to wear a mask and, to the best of my knowledge, has never encouraged his followers to wear one.

We’re in the midst of a deadly global pandemic that might linger with us for years, and Trump and his people don’t even want to do something as simple as wearing a mask to keep folks safe and reduce the spread.

And that’s crazy.

Alive Again

Back on Twitter. Back on Facebook. The Republican “Keyboard Warriors” are on the march again, so we keyboard slackers must rise to the task, don our armor, and ridicule them mercilessly.

Twitter is kind of a downer. As I’ve said before, a brilliant mature man will be lucky to get 500 followers, while an ill-educated teenage girl with dirty underwear will capture tens of thousands.

Twitter suspended my Sam Brodeaux account last year, and it cut me deeply. So this time, I’m going to avoid heated confrontation and just try not to take it too seriously. Unfortunately, it’s easy to take little things like Twitter seriously when you don’t have a lot going in your life.

But, with Twitter, it’s the little things that count. “Like” a good post. Add a sly comment here or there, good or bad. I think it matters, but I can’t say exactly how much.

It’s a war of degrees.

I pretty much hate Facebook. I’m probably not going to get involved with anyone there. It’s a pretty shitty platform and the owners are data pigs, but I need it to comment on a lot of websites, to fight the good fight.

I had a lot of pretty good friends on FB, but most of them turned out to be Trump supporters, and I just couldn’t stand it any more. I couldn’t look the other way. I couldn’t pretend it didn’t matter.

I’ll bet money most of them are still Trump supporters, which is tragic.

But…anyway…we do what we can, even if it’s next to nothing.

Lignum Vitae

I wish I understood life, but I don’t. I just don’t. I don’t understand people. I don’t understand politics. I don’t understand women. I don’t understand Republicans.

I don’t even understand myself.

So many things I want to do, but I usually do nothing. So many people I’d love to meet, but I avoid the public with due diligence. Would love to be more directly involved in politics, but I’m too honest, and I can’t stand shading the truth with self-serving inflections.

The happiest days of my life? I have nothing to show for it.

The worst days? Cover my heart with hidden scars.

I don’t really want much of anything, other than time, more time. A little place of my own where I can sit and think unmolested.

I honest to God can’t believe that Trump is still president, and as horrid a job as he’s done, almost all of his supporters will vote for him again. It’s a mass hypnosis, the stuff of science fiction.

But it’s here, now. It’s real.

I’m not a man in need of much these days, thank Providence, but I am in dire need of motivation, desperate need of a reason to keep going. I know that it’s almost criminal to squander these resources at my fingertips. But I’ll be damned if I can figure out how to make it work.


A touch of romance, maybe that’s what I need. Just overruled my inner cheapskate and joined a dating site for $149.00. It ain’t much…but it’s worth a try.

Lignum Vitae loosely translates into “The Wood of Life.” It is a very hard wood, said to have magical properties, and that Merlin’s magic wand was made of it.

True confession: I don’t have much these days, at my age, but I still have wood.

And that’s a good thing.

Rebirth, Rebuild, Renew

Paul Gauguin

About 90% moved to the new place in Las Cruces. Feels good. Hopeful. Makes me want to change this website format. Keep the WordPress for pontificating and bitching, but make the main site something different, something more fun.

Was just starting to meet new people and find new places when the fucking C19 virus hit, and now it looks like it’s going to be with us for a long time to come. Not weeks, months.

I can’t begin to verbalize the frustration I feel.

At any rate, as long as the heart is pumping, there is hope for a brand new day.