Big Things, Little Things

My cousin died recently. Word is that she killed herself. Don’t know much more about it than that. I’m afraid we’re pretty estranged from that branch of the family. I haven’t seen her or her family in about thirty years, so I’d feel odd inserting myself into their lives.

My mind’s a blank. I don’t even know how to feel. She was a pretty good kid at heart. A little ornery, but not a mean bone in her body. She had three kids. I guess it wasn’t her first attempt. I hope her soul has found peace.

Add to that, the never-ending political bullshit, and the recent mass shootings that the Republicans won’t do anything about and…and the asshole gun nuts trying to convince us that it’s all perfectly normal and all we need are even more guns…from this perspective, the world can look pretty dark for an old poet.

Thankfully, I recently discovered the television show Modern Family. I don’t watch much television, and I frankly don’t care for shows like that, usually, but I started watching this recently and so far, it’s made life a little easier to bear.

I don’t know what it means, life. I don’t see how we can live one life and never live again. That makes no sense to me. What would be the point?

Because a pointless universe would be pure hell. Chaos would win every time. Our whole reason to exist is, at the very least, to give a little meaning to the world, somehow. To gain an insight, to share it, to just be there, as a human being.

I hope her soul finds a better place to be. She deserves it.